Confessions of a Recovering Yummy Mummy

Written by Louisa Leontiades, a guest author.

Richmond is a simply beautiful town. It nestles on the bank of the Thames with a the biggest park in Europe containing deer, nature walks and quite frankly the most breathtaking view I have ever come across from Pembroke Lodge (throw in a few scones with jam and cream from their coffee shop and you’d make even the Gods on Mount Olympus jealous).

We lived in Richmond for a good while and made firm friends; firstly other couples and later mostly Mums because my first child was born at Kingston Hospital (Kingston….different kettle of fish). But I don’t miss it. I miss my friends of course, but Richmond – despite it’s beauty and glamour – no. My priorities changed during my time there and it mostly had to do with money.

We moved to Richmond among other things, because of the envious lifestyle of the inhabitants. In the glory days, I bought pretentious coffees from Starbucks in town, diamond earrings from Bolder & Wiley, cupcakes from The Village Bakery on the hill and cocktails from SO bar. I frequented Gauchos for their steak, Steins for their sausage and beer on a Sunday afternoon, and migrated up the hill to Roebuck to see the sun setting over the valley with friends over a pint. I belonged to Richmond Hill Hotel gym, drank champagne at Balham’s and shopped at Waitrose. It’s a wonderful life in Richmond….when you have the money to pay for it. Fortunately I did.

The Alberts Deli, one of the Alberts highlights

Nevertheless, even then we were in the lower strata of Richmond society, living in The Alberts (those cottages Victoria built dirt cheap for the railway workers which now cost in the region of £600,000). Some richer acquaintances called them adorable …in italics. The Alberts is predominantly for professional couples or very new families – hardly anyone stays longer than 5 years, especially if you plan to have more children. It was expected that living there was an interim proposition until our finances were able to afford something better. Which meant bigger. If you couldn’t afford it in Richmond, you had to go across the river to St. Margarets …and the water would predictably prove a psychological barrier in your social world.

Can you keep up with the locals?

Don’t get me wrong, I liked Richmond…but when my daughter arrived I no longer wanted to spend the money to live the Richmond life. For friends, safety, beauty, and schools …it is justly known as one of the best places in the UK to raise children. As I started to experience the Richmond life as a Mum, my money went on organic food, clothes, toys and baby activities. Suddenly I was spending twice as much as before! I felt the pressure to keep up with the latest trends in childrens’ fashion because Petit Bateau, Jojo Maman Bebe and Gap were the baby stores of choice in Richmond town.

To get to the cheaper Mothercare, you had to go to Kew (not an easy journey for several Mums when the bus only takes two prams at a time). And over our purchases, the mummies gathered in the watering holes with the best changing facilities…Carluccios, Starbucks or The White Horse for coffees and lunch because our houses were too small to accommodate large groups. It cost a lot. And for what? My daughter seemed more interested in the boxes the toys came in, the delicate pink and beige cardigans were worn twice before she either outgrew them or I ruined them in the washing machine and my grocery shopping went off.

Is this your idea of heaven?

Rebelling against such an ingrained system inevitably means exclusion. Not by design, mind you. No one minds if you don’t join them at The White Horse or if you do that you get a glass of tap water. But living in Richmond means that almost by definition, you are also obliged to spend your money on the lifestyle. Gathering in Petersham nursery for coffee and for lunch after Monkey Music or trying to budget for baby gym, baby massage and all the things that the other Mums & babies did. As I moved from the corporate world on a high income to an entrepreneur investing every spare cent in my business, I discovered some surprising value systems in Richmond that conflicted with my own.

Without spending the money on democratically elected social activities of the group, my daughter and I were far less a part of my friends’ worlds. I dropped out of the gym because quite frankly, I was working too much to profit from the monthly fee and lost an entire social circle whose spare 3 hours a week was dedicated to losing baby weight and enjoying a green tea after yoga. There’s no blame – it’s only about choice. New mums have hardly any time and that precious amount we have, we need to spend in the way that is most enjoyable and effective. But spending 100 pounds a month on a gym subscription which served basically for socialising, wasn’t my way.

The warmth of Richmond society or…?

As my priorities changed and with the impetus of a second impending birth, we made the dramatic move to an equally beautiful island in Sweden where there are no coffee shops, no cars, no shops – excepting the one grocery store – and best of all, a place where my daughter won’t think she has to own the latest handbag to have friends. It’s not the truth of course, but children pick up on perceived actions, not words. We are part of a community where the houses are big enough to accommodate groups of children and where most of the indoor and outdoor activities don’t cost a penny. Now when I visit my friends in Richmond, I can guiltlessly spend tons of money to live the high life. But just for two days.

Louisa Leontiades is the founder of Postmodern Woman.

10 comments to Confessions of a Recovering Yummy Mummy

  • Kristina

    fantastic article that I am sure will ring true to many local mums. But nonetheless Richmond is a great place to live and having tried living at several other areas, none compares to the beauty and comforts that Richmond has to offer.

  • Leanne

    If the writer of this article thinks it is pretentious to buy a coffee from Starbucks then I wonder if she would have felt comfortable anywhere in London, let alone Richmond! The move to Sweden was undoubtedly a good decision for her.

  • Yes it certainly was. But Sweden of course has many Starbucks and consumerism can be just as prevalent. The island we chose on the other hand, is akin to a village community in the UK and since it is also a ‘summer holiday’island, it is shielded somewhat.

  • eveintheapple

    Competing with one’s neighbours is something that a person could engage in anywhere at anytime. I question whether a move to a Swedish island actually changes a person’s core beliefs about “keeping up with the Joneses” or if it simply reduced envy-inducing irritants. There are people in Richmond who are not as affected or driven by materialism. Essentially, the place isn’t the problem – it’s a the flawed value system in which the best thing people feel they have to offer is what they own rather than who they are. You can run away from it or refuse to buy into it.

  • lassofrichmond

    Reading this article made me feel very sad for the author. I agree with eveintheapple: most people who live in Richmond are not actually materialistic, judgemental or insecure enough to measure friendship by wealth and status alone. I too lived in The Alberts when my son was born, and d’you know what? My NCT friends and I all managed to squeeze into the house for coffee mornings when it was cold or wet, and when the weather was fine we picnicked in Kew Gardens or on the Green. We shopped at Tesco for fresh veg, shared and passed on baby clothes, forgot about keeping up appearances and losing baby weight expensive gyms (walking helps), and twelve years on we are all still live in the area, are still firm friends and meet up regularly.

  • Jacqui beirne

    Really identify with this, really good article.

  • A brilliant article and one that I could feel myself nodding in agreement to as I read it and recognised myself in lots of the things that Louisa says.

  • peter stanley

    If the writer of this article thinks Starbucks is pretentious then no wonder she prefers a village in the middle of no where! From her attitude, I’m not surprised she didn’t like Richmond; it’s a place where people don’t have spoilt attitudes and are simply happy to live in a small home. Richmond residents are not obsessed with always getting more, but tend to be more humble types of people who enjoy life, are friendly & don’t judge. You’d be hard pushed to find anywhere in Europe with more friendly locals than Richmond Upon Thames and I’d suggest from the flavour of this article that the writer should perhaps take a good long look at herself before judging others. In particular, the fact the writer was so concerned about brand names when she lived in Richmond says more about the writer’s own conceptions than it does about others.

  • glen macway

    Having lived in many parts of the UK myself, the writer’s attitude reminds me of locals in parts of East Manchester where benefit fraud and arrogant entitlement is accepted practise. Where families learn to rely on benefit through their generations, children are in gangs, their parents are also, and everyone makes fun of those who choose to get education. Where people comment that King Edward potatoes & any local council flats refurbished with cladding on the outside are “posh”, starbucks is “posh”, and where people shout at any unsuspecting tourist to “f*** off to where you came from you posh b******!”. Meanwhile, some of the children in the gangs who actually grow up to earn a lot of money (plumbers, electricians etc.) end up driving around in BMWs treating everyone else badly because they think having money makes them intrinsically “better”. That’s real arrogance & pretentiousness. That’s a large proportion of places in Manchester & other areas. Richmond on the other hand, is completely the opposite. People don’t drive around in fancy cars for the sake of it, treat each other badly, or judge each other by how much money or education they do or don’t have. People are polite, caring & like to have nice friends. If the writer of this article was surrounded by pretentious people, one wonders how she managed to find them in Richmond- unless perhaps like attracts like? Or perhaps the pretension is all in her mind, thus rendering the article ironic. If starbucks is posh, one wonders what people like her would make of an independent organic hipster coffee shop? What would she make of kensington palace? Is their “0-100% poshness” scale so warped that they see everything over 15% at the same level? Starbucks isn’t posh. Richmond isn’t pretentious. It’s genuine, non-judgemental & caring, but that’s something some people from other worlds apparently wouldn’t understand or recognise.

  • Mac

    Yes I have to be critical of this article, like many of the other commentators. So Richmond is materialistic, and it’s so preferable to move to a Swedish Island? And you can write this totally without irony? If I had a business that would allow me to live in the middle of nowhere in the region (Scandinavia) with the highest quality of life in the World ( which is not entirely unrelated to the geological accident of having tremendous wealth in natural resources combined with a tiny population, although I do concede the Nordics have good ethics, conscience and education), then I’m pretty sure I would have a better life than the average family in Richmond relying on one or both parents commuting into the City, West End, Heathrow or elsewhere in that deepest part of Life’s cycle where maximum kids/mortgage/ liabilities combines with not yet fully high yielding career. It strikes me as crass virtue-signalling to deprecate life in the suburban box and then say you are not materialistic by moving to an island in Scandinavia where you have the resources both to move there and to live there. As a South Londoner educated in what the Evening Standard announced to be the ‘murder capital of London’ in the 1970s (we were all so proud…), I have to say I really like Richmond. Everyone is nice, everyone is polite, everyone cares. It’s a really really nice place. The only argument you’r3 going to have us between the pro and anti airport brigade, or maybe Brexit, all of which is rich peoples’ problems.

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